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Archive for June, 2008

>I’ve witnessed and experienced WAY too much bad news lately. So, I’m going to do what any red blooded American would do at a time like this, launch an offensive campaign to distract you from the bad things going on. I start with taking a shot at the new (ugh, dear God) Fast and the Furious 4 movie set to be released some time next year. With the price of gas the way it is, they’ll have to charge $15 a ticket just to recover the cost of fuel for this soon to be crappy flick. *sniff* *sniff* What is that disgusting smell? Oh yeah, it’s Paul Walker’s dead and decaying career left laying out in the sun. Paul Walker who is fast turning himself into John Ritter in the sense that he doesn’t know how to turn down a script. And Vin Diesel, Vin Vin Vin Vin, VIN! When are you ever going to learn to NOT do the same? When the producer asks you to lunch to go over the script, you eat the free lunch and before you commit to the script, excuse yourself to the restroom then slip out the front door, it’s easy and simple, just like the range in your acting abilities.


What was that? Oh, just our careers, leaving us in the dust.

Another thing that disturbs me about this thing is that there is a disturbing rumour that they will be using a choice number of Subaru STI’s in the film. This may keep me awake at night. This string of F&F movies have such corny catch phrases and one liners it could be tapped as source for Ethanol. I mean, are the producers in that much of a need for a write off? Here are a few possible additions to the title:

Fast and the Furious 4: The Horse Isn’t Dead and It’s Pinata Time!
Fast and the Furious 4: Because Our Houses Are In Foreclosure.
Fast and the Furious 4: Killing Our Careers…Just To Watch Them Die!
Fast and the Furious 4: Next Stop…POWER WHEELS BEEEYOOOOTCH!
Fast and the Furious 4: This Thing Blows Like Kim Kardashian

and last, but not least
Fast and the Furious 4: Just One Last Thing to Blame George Bush and Congress For

You know this whole film really isn’t necessary, I can entertain the masses with a simple .gif that is cheap, easy and environmentally friendly. Behold my version of a REAL entertaining Fast and the Furious movie that cuts through the crap, sums up what these movies are all about, is more entertaining and in the end will emphasize what will happen with Paul Walker’s career:

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>Just while ago, I was checking in on Dr. Sardonicus over at the Pole Hill Sanitarium. My heart did as others when I read his latest post. His wife had not been doing well as of the last few weeks and now she has passed on. I’m actually shaking a bit now as I type this, as this is a very tragic thing that has happened to a man who was a frequent commenter here at the Complaints Dept. I never met the man, but I have a great sense of his being and I have taken a liking to him. My thoughts and condolences are with him and his family right now and I wish him the strength to deal with this tragic and sudden loss. I don’t ask a whole lot from any who read this lousy blog of mine, but I do ask that you keep this man in your thoughts and prayers. If there’s one thing I know, I know a great blogger when I invade one and crash the party…he is definitely one of them. May you have eternal peace, Mrs. S.

Again, my deepest sympathies to you and your family Doc.

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After the last month of expenses for this thing, I decided that it should at least look the part, so I gave it the once over. This is the fruit of my labor. I did this while the power in Ozark went out yesterday for about 3 hours and I wasn’t going to stay in an 80 degree house doing nothing, when I could be sweating it out outside while doing something.

In addition to my sense of accomplishment, I also got a bit of a sun burn on the back of my shoulders…ouch. There is a chance of rain this week and weekend, so if it even looks like it will happen anytime soon and I need to go somewhere…I’M WALKING!!! Remember those times when some of you would polish up the ride and then go take it for a cruise so people could admire your handiwork? If the sky remains stable, I may be feelin a bit nostalgic. Hard to imagine this thing has 122,000 miles on it…and STILL starts and runs like it came off the dealer’s lot.

End gratuitous nepotism

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I saw and experienced some things today that put my Single Core Cranium II Thought Processor on sensory overload today. Intel inside??? I can only speculate. Anyway, I actually had to go out and earn some money today and this time I had to road trip to Branson and Springfield. I believe that with gas prices the way they are, a 35 mile(one way) trip to Branson qualifies as a road trip. I am ashamed to admit that I was not able to capture some of the sightings via camera phone as it would mean putting the car in the ditch just so you could get a glimpse of what I saw, forgive me. While driving I managed to get a glimpse of an RV pulling a Toyota Prius, no big deal right? Then I thought, that looks a bit perplexing. A gas hog towing a gas miser(pause for reflection…put on music if you want, I care). I’ve seen this picture about a million times and it just now hits me. Am I the only one who views this as a bit off?

From that point, I wound up traveling to Sam’s Club(I hate those bastards…but that’s because it makes my MasterCard burn a hole in my pocket just so it can reach the hand…not MY hand, the cashier’s). This is one of the very few places around here you’ll find Mr. Pibb on tap, WITH UNLIMITED REFILLS!!! I have a weakness for the stuff, but it wields a powerful double-edged sword. First of course, I find myself making frequent trips to the bathroom to unload the mass quantities of liquid(don’t forget to wash your hands), but that ain’t the worst part. Sure, it is a joy for taste buds, but there is second “business” trip I’ll have to make to the bathroom and this “business”, I flat out refuse to handle at the Sam’s Club’s bathroom. Let me put it to you this way, if you find yourself getting backed up plumbing, Mr. Pibb will dislodge ANY clog that gets in it’s path, screw Ex-lax, that’s for people who want to teach their kids lessons why you don’t raid mom and dad’s chocolate stash. Oh Jim, if you are reading this, 1000 Styrofoam cups for 20 bucks in the 8 oz. size, drink up dude.

Anyway, while leaving Sam’s to go to Home Depot, I was at the stoplight to get on to HWY 65, when to my left, a guy in a Dodge Neon starts to rev his engine at me…I laughed so hard I pee’d myself a little from yet more leftover Mr. Pibb. As I let Speed Racer go, I felt the other side of that double edge sword swinging for my lower quadrant and there was no dodging it. The Home Depot visit lasted all of about 5 minutes, by far the fastest time I’ve ever spent in Home Depot. I had to make a delivery and quick…I now know what brown can do for you…and I don’t like what it did for me. In a twist of irony, after I got home, I had a UPS package waiting for me on the front porch, I shit you not.

Moral of this story: Even though this wasn’t a bad day, I can literally say my day turned out like crap.

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>I’ll Say It Again

>I’ve mentioned this a time or two , but it still irks me. I may as well beat this horse ’til I’m sure it’s dead and so are the flys buzzing around it. Why is it that Europe gets the better cars? I’ve seen this talked about in forums over and over and I see some really, uh..drrrrrrr answers. I love the,”Well, their fuel is higher than ours so they need to have more efficient cars? …And? So let me get this straight, if gas prices go back to say…$2.00 a gallon, does this mean we should all go out and put the demand for H1’s and H2’s to all time high? That’s about as responsible as bailing out all those celebrities that are getting their homes foreclosed on, just because they’re swell guys. (Sorry Ed McMahon, you make that kind of coin and don’t hire a respectable accountant???) This country suffers from a, “I want my cake AND eat it too WITH an option of going back for seconds” complex. Lets not be like Al Roker and NOT learn from our lessons(Yep, he’s fat…again). I am one who is trying to make the most of this. I had a lot of sweet motor upgrades to the Stinger Missile, but in doing so will only decrease my mileage while increasing my chances for boneheaded opportunities of getting a speeding ticket while racing junior who’s out driving mom’s Jag. So now, I’m selling the parts. If I had my druthers, I’d trade my car RIGHT NOW for a turbo diesel or even a hybrid car. I digress and summarize that this country lacks accountability and doesn’t really learn well from past mistakes.

Moving on, VW has announced that the new Jetta will be available this Fall. There’s a bit more added intel from Dieselblog on this. I’d love to see what a hypermiler could do with this, just out of curiosity.

Oh, and if that wasn’t enough to convince people to find better MPG’s, think twice before going over the speed limit, there may be more cities following this lead. I for one will be taking some time to reevaluate my driving habits, in the spirit of accountability and common sense.

I’m trying to be a better example.(key word:trying)

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>This Has GOT to Suck

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This is yet another reason why I won’t get a tattoo. For those of you that do have ’em, be glad yours didn’t turn out like this guy’s.

Go ahead, click on it. Get a better look.

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>Anymore bad news or posts like that last one and I’m going on Lithium. Time to change gears and what better way to do that than with some kick ass videos?!?! I felt like doing a few of my favorite Heavy Metal remakes of some classic rock tunes. Here’s a real treat for the speakers that’ll make ya wanna jam along and get you looks like you’d give your dentist if you woke up in the chair with dollar bills stuffed in your underwear and feelin’ like a whole lotta wrong had been done. I present the following:

Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You – Great White(Led Zepplin)


Lenny isn’t really Heavy Metal, but I just couldn’t leave this one out. Besides, that woman playin’ the drums(Cindy Blackman) rocks! Something about a woman holding wood…in both hands!

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